Runaround Sue
by buttertroll
Summary: Not yo mama's Mary Sue.


Author's Note: mary-sue fiks seem 2 b the thing 2 dew nowadayz!!1 

Warnings: INTENTIONAL spelling and grammar mistakes in specific spoken text (you'll soon understand this as the story progresses) and the occasional and very random dropping of a character's IQ through limited and simple vocabulary. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Yuu Yuu Hakusho. Mary is mine and kno u cant have her becauz she is kewl and myne!!!1

****

—For Emily, whose eccentric sense of humor rivals, if not surpasses, my own.— 

Runaround Sue

"Lord Koenma!" the voice of the oni known as George resounded through the Hall of Judgment, panic clearly heard in his exclamation. 

The door leading into the said Lord's office flew open as the blue-skinned oni rushed to stand in front of the toddler's desk, struggling to catch his breath.

"I do hope there is a good reason you have interrupted me" Koenma warned, temporarily halting his seemingly ludicrous job of stamping documents of the recently deceased to glare up at the offending oni. 

"There's been—" he was cut short by his own sharp intake of air, "There's been a breach in the barrier surrounding the Ningenkai! A-an S-class demon and several A-class underlings have been reported to be the cause but we don't have an exact—"

"WHAT?!" Koenma spat, just now reacting to the news his employee had brought him. "HOW?!" he screamed, looking as if strangling George would solve all of his problems at the moment.

"Well, sir," he began, worrying his hands together, Koenma was not pleased, "Apparently there was a weak point in the barrier protecting the Ningenkai from the Makai. Some demons knew of this weak point and chose to exploit it."

Koenma's childlike face became red with repressed anger, "Do we know who is responsible?" he asked, uncharacteristically calm, his voice rimmed with the sheer effort it took to halt all actions involving both asphyxiation and George. 

"N-no, sir. But we have narrowed his location down to, believe it or not, that one place with lots of buildings where Yuusuke and company live!" George churned out, fearing for his life.

"You don't say!" exclaimed the Little Lord, "That is quite odd Botan!" he called.

"Yes, Koenma?" piped the chipper ferry girl, who was on the other side of the room, previously unseen and sorting papers.

"Gather Yuusuke and the others and Genkai's temple and tell them of this unpredictable pickle we have been thrown into!" Koenma ordered the blue-haired girl.

"Hai!" she said with enthusiasm, materializing her oar and zooming out of the room.

Koenma frowned, looking a tad confused, "Hi?" 

-----

Meanwhile, in the Ningenkai

We find one of our heroes, the Forbidden Child of the Koorime, Hiei, wandering aimlessly down a human-infested street, but not seeming to mind at all.

lyke, wtf??/

Instead of his normal attire: black pants, black boots, black tank top, black cloak, white scarf, and adorable scowl, he wore normal blue jeans, white shoes, and a white shirt with a black arrow pointing up at his face, under it written the three words "I'm With Awesome." This new outfit was the first thing Hiei purchased with his new paycheck, received from his brand-new job in the Ningenkai: assistant manager of Minamino Shuuichi's Plant Nursery. After all, every demon shunned by the ones who should have loved them most knew that stealing was WRONG and could get you into lots of TROUBLE.

All in all, he was just a normal demon enjoying a beautiful sunny day amongst a mass number of humans. Nothing odd about that.

As luck, or quite possibly Fate, would have it, Botan managed to track Hiei down first.

The blue-haired ferry girl scanned the throng of humans below, until she spotted a familiar patch of spiky black and white hair sticking out among the sea of pedestrians slowly making its way through the crowd and across an empty road.

"Hiei!" Botan called, not believing her luck. Usually it would take her hours more to track down the elusive fire demon. Maybe his unexplained resignation as Mukuro's heir and sudden personality change not more than a week ago was a good thing

The red-eyed demon stopped in the middle of the street and looked around, he could have sworn he heard someone call his name. Before his instincts as a Reikai Tantei, former thief, and super fire demon speed could react, a car suddenly appeared out of no where, set on a collision course with his shocked form.

"omg look out!!1" came an unfamiliar but familiar female voice.

Hiei, with enough speed to look in the direction of the voice but not enough to get the Hell out of the way, was awestruck. Lunging toward him was the most beautiful thing on two legs. Her long, sun-kissed blonde hair glistened in the sun; the blood-red tips of her long, glistening, sun-kissed blonde hair matched and accentuated her blood-red eyes perfectly. She wore all black, much like Hiei had before coming to work for Kurama, and even had an uber-kewl katana like Hiei's attached to her black leather belt. Hanging down from around her neck was a silver chain pendant with a blood-red ruby in the center. Surprisingly enough, it matched her blood-red eyes and the blood-red tips of her long, glistening, sun-kissed blonde hair, and will more than likely serve as a nifty and unexpected [!!1!] plot device later in this atrocious piece of fanfiction.

The beautiful mystery girl's body came in contact with Hiei in just enough time to knock him out of the way of the oncoming car, saving his life. The both of them landed in a heap of limbs on the other side of the sidewalk, blushing and embarrassed.

They detangled themselves and sat next to each other, the blushes still remaining.

"r u ok?" The blonde girl asked, her voice strangely accented from the lack of the additional, but necessary, letters.

"Yeah I'm fine." Hiei answered a bit breathlessly, "You saved my life." He said in awe.

"yea i did it wuz nothin tho" she said, nonchalantly, "i do it all the tiem."

"Hiei!" Botan yelled, "I'm so sorry!" she cried, coming down to land by the fire demon and the mystery girl. The ferry girl turned to the newcomer, "Thank you so much!" she exclaimed, so happy that she gave the girl with the long, sun-kissed, blonde, blood-red tipped hair a rib-crushing hug. "I can't believe you're faster than Hiei!" she continued, looking over to Hiei "I think we should take her to talk to Koenma, wouldn't you agree Hiei?" 

"Yes. I think that's a wonderful idea." He said passively.

Botan's rosy gaze lingered on Hiei a bit longer. _He's been so Nice Lately. It's almost like he's a completely different person.'_ She thought. _Oh, Botan, don't be so silly.'_ She told herself, _There's only one Hiei! Right?'_

"really botan?!" she asked, excited, "I get 2 meat _the _koenma?"

"That's right! Your skills are acceptional! I bet he'd love to have your help in the new case he just assigned." Botan said. _How did she know my name? I know I've never met her until now. This is strange.' _"What's your name?" she asked, realizing that although the girl with blood-red eyes knew hers, she did not name herself.

"watashi wa matsumoto sakura hikari schala rei hime-chan desu!1" she exclaimed with obvious pride.

Botan arched an eyebrow, "Wha?"

"but my phrends just call me Mary." She said simply, in a familiar language readers can understand.

__

"Don't you still have to find the others?" Hiei asked Botan, sounding a bit irritated that Botan had Mary's attention. 

"Oh, right!" she exclaimed, hopping back on her oar. "Take Mary to Genkai's place and wait for the rest of us." She said, flying off into the sky.

Mary watched Botan until she was just a speck in the sky, then she turned her bottomless blood-red gaze to Hiei, "@®3 j00 ®3@d¥?" she asked him in a very strange language.

"¥35." He answered darkly, starting in the direction of Genkai's temple.

-----

Back to the Reikai

"Stupid barrier" Koenma muttered under his breath, stamping papers at hyper speed, "The energy in my pacifier has only half the required amount to repair it. Thanks a lot, Shinobu. You and Itsuki sure know how to start a lasting endeavor." He said a bit louder, mentally damning the two for their attempts at breaking the barrier, causing Koenma to free his entire pacifier's stored energy to make a much stronger one.

"Really? Only half the energy?" a female voice asked.

Koenma looked up, "Botan? Back so soon? Are the others ready?"

"Yes they are," she answered, "but, I'd like to know what you meant by half the energy.'"

"Well, I have been restoring the energy in my pacifier, but I will need at least another month to have a sufficient amount to fix the hole." 

"What a pity" Botan said sadly, hanging her head.

"Yes. Quite. Shouldn't we be going?" Koenma asked her, hopping down from his chair and walking over to where his assistant stood.

Botan summoned her oar but paused and looked down at her boss, "I think it would be a good choice if you changed into your teenage form." 

"Why? I'm trying to save all of the energy I can, even if it means not using that luxury."

"Well You see, Yuusuke was in a bit of a foul mood when I came to fetch him. I had to wake him up. And I know you don't like to be insulted by Yuusuke and I know you know that he will more than likely take his frustration out by calling you baby names" she trailed off, hoping Koenma would catch the gist of it.

"I see your point. I suppose this one time wouldn't effect anything." He said, closing his eyes and shifting into his older form. He spun around on one foot; "Do I look okay?"

"Splendid." The ferry girl said, before raising her oar and cracking him over the head.

The Prince of the Reikai hit the floor with a resounding thud.

"Lord Koenma!" the cheery voice of Botan sang outside of the office door, "I'm back!" she burst into the room.

The sight that greeted her was an odd one. There she' was, over an unconscious Koenma, trying to drag him onto her' oar. Caught in the act, she' dropped his limp body and charged herself standing in the doorway. Confusing, huh? Regardless, it was the last thing Botan saw before everything went black.

-----

Hours later, the group, sans Yukina and Kuwabara (Who were both sitting in the corner, the former quickly losing the title of "#1 Girl in Hiei's Life" to our beloved Mary and the latter apparently 2 st00pid and not "bishounen" enough breathe the same air as Mary. Despite the fact that he has great character traits, is quite adorable when angered, and happens to be related to the large concentration of awesome known as Shizuru Kuwabara.), were gathered around one of Genkai's large, wooden, low-set tables, awaiting the arrival of Botan and her passenger, Koenma. 

"Jeez. What's taking them so long?" Yuusuke whined, setting his elbows on the table and leaning into his palms.

Kurama, ever the voice of reason and overall common sense, replied, "He's probably held up because of the problems the break in the barrier has caused. It is his responsibility." 

"Maybe those demons got him." Hiei suggested, almost hopefully.

As if on cue, Botan ran into the room, looking ruffled and panicked.

"There's been an attack!" she exclaimed, collapsing to her knees. "Koenma's been kidnapped!" she buried her face in her hands and cried.

Mary, being the caring, wonderful, and long, blonde, sun-kissed haired person she was, rushed to Botan's side, "do u rememver wut happened????????" she asked the crying blue-haired girl, rubbing her back.

Botan sniffed, "I-I went back t-t-to Reikai to get Ko-Koenma and he was—he was gone!" she wiped her eyes and took a piece of paper out of her kimono, "I f-found this on his desk." She handed the paper to Genkai, who read it and frowned.

"What does it say?" Kurama asked.

"'all ur bishies r belong 2 us'" Genkai quoted. Scowling at the poorly constructed threat, not liking the fact that one with such horrible writing skills had duped them.

Shock appeared on all of the faces in the room, except for Mary, Hiei, and Botan. Of course, no one noticed, save Yukina, who gave them all a suspicious glance, tugged on Kazuma's sleeve and whispered something in his ear. The large carrot-top nodded and observed the three with a keen eye.

"What in the Hell does that mean?" Yuusuke asked, standing up and walking over to where everyone was crowded around Botan. "May I see it?" he asked his aged instructor, reaching out his hand.

"Be my guest." The old woman answered, "I will be meditating if you need me." She said before handing her student the paper and exiting the room.

The black-haired boy examined the paper and flipped it over. "There's something written on the back! u cant protekt urselves & mary 4eva st00pid detektivs –RS'"

"Mary? Does that mean you Mary?" Yuusuke asked the girl with the long, blonde, sun-kissed hair. 

"Well Mary? Do you know who this RS' is and why he's after you?" Kurama added, kneeling down next to her and gazing into her blood-red eyes that matched the blood-red tips of her long, blonde, sun-kissed hair.

"yea" she said, clutching her blood-red pendant to her chest, "yea i do."

-----

Plot development! Action! Intrigue! Who is this mysterious RS and why is he after our perfect heroine with long, blonde, sun-kissed hair with blood-red tips that match her blood-red bottomless eyes? Leave a review and find out next time! 

*gags* This whimsical hunka hunka burnin' fanfiction is the asinine love child of my strong dislike of Mary Sues, frequent "AOLingo" chats with Emily, and bizarre imagination. May this triad never copulate again. ///__¬;;;

Special thanks to Baki-chan for helping me with the Japanese. *huggles* Thank you! I know nothing about it and am one of the few (many?) stuck staring at the screen with glazed eyes when whole sentences are composed of it. I am indeed a simpleton. ///__@


End file.
